How big is the hoop you're trying to get through?
Our new Thursday night AA Step Study group is going strong and it won’t be long before we burst out of our apartment into a meeting hall of our own as a dozen of us showed up on Christmas night to continue our look at Step 2 (Michelle said, “I drank on Christmas, why wouldn’t I go to a meeting on Christmas?”). It was so nice to see everyone and it was the perfect end to an amazing Christmas day.
Just like with the Monday Men’s group, I plan on writing about the Take-Away from this meeting each week. Last night we first re-capped the 2nd paragraph on page 25 of the 12 & 12, talking about our experiences with the belligerent and savage mind from the previous week. As always, this is about a living application of these principles. I was definitely belligerent and savage when I was drinking, but how do enter into that state of mind today, sober. It’s important to look at what these words really mean to me in recovery:
- Belligerent: (adjective) defiant; argumentative; combative; eager to fight; hostile; waging war
- Savage: (adjective) wild; untamed; cruel; fierce; (noun) a rude, unmannerly or brutal person
Uh-oh, busted! Sounds like me trying to get all my Christmas shopping done in the last two days before Christmas! I can be defiant and argumentative with others, obviously, but the really damaging part of this behavior is that I do this in my mind without even opening my mouth. I argue and fight with others in my thoughts. Even worse, I do this to myself, waging war in my mind as I constantly tell myself that I don’t measure up. (Read my “Blogged Down” post in Archives for a look into how I was savage and belligerent this past week). The paragraph tells me that the solution is to renounce or give up these thoughts and behavior to save myself. But how do I do that?
The first paragraph on page 26 took us into the solution: Widen the hoop!
I go through many struggles in recovery and I tend to think that my problems are always worse than everyone else. If I stop to think about it for even a second, I must realize that no matter what I am going through, there is always something worse happening to somebody else. This in one way I get to widen the hoop today. Another way I widen the hoop is by talking with another alcoholic/addict about my problem. This can be my sponsor but it can also be my close sober friends. By talking about it, the energy goes out with the exposure and more importantly, I get someone else’s perspective. When I share a problem in a meeting, the exposure principle is in application, but because it is at a group level I often don’t get the solutions from people who know me on an intimate level. This is one reason that it is so important to have sober friends in addition to my sponsor and the meetings.
I have emotional attachments to my problems, but my sober friends don’t. Their emotional attachments are to their own problems and so they can see things for me more clearly than I see them for myself. They may also have dealt with the same or similar situation and they are able to help me to see that “the hoop I have to jump through is a lot wider than I think”. When I widen the hoop in this way, I come to believe in a Power greater than me through another person.
Do you find yourself being belligerent or savage today? If so, post a comment below about it and let me know how you “widen the hoop”.