Feel the Fear: Which path should I take?
This is my first morning without coffee so I hope what I’m writing makes sense. Once again, I find that the paragraph from last Thursday’s meeting is chock full of nuts (12&12 pg. 26 #1). My friend Joe reminded me the other night how to keep these paragraphs alive as I move through my week: read them every morning and contemplate what I just read. When I do this, the principles come to life in the day that I am in. The first line of the paragraph starts out with the words “At this juncture”. I am reminded again to look up words in the dictionary because I only think I know what they mean.
- Juncture – critical or decisive point in time
Critical. Decisive. On the surface this is about coming to believe in a Power. If I have realized what I am truly up against in Step 1, then it’s time to make a decision: Am I willing to come to believe that a Power greater than me can restore me to sanity? When I don’t or won’t believe that a Power can restore me to sanity I might go out and drink or use. Or I might stick around AA and suffer, as other obsessions take the place of the drugs and drink. Step 2 is one of those critical and decisive points in time that affects whether or not I stay sober.
I am at junctures all the time, both in my life and in my sobriety. I may have already come to believe in a Power greater than me, but I still choose at certain times to run the show on my own without help from God. I can turn things around in these moments just by asking for help from this Power. The simplest way is to ask the question: “What would you have me do right now?” The more I do this, the more the answers come and I get to practice the principle of coming to believe over and over again.
Susan Jeffers in her great book “Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway” (see the side bar for my favorite books of 2008) talked about standing at these junctures. She called it “The Decision Point”. When we stand at this decision point or juncture, we are in fear of deciding which path to take. If I go right, this might happen and I will wonder if I should have gone left.
Often times this fear keeps us stuck in a situation or relationship we are unhappy in just because we are afraid of making this “critical decision”. The point she makes is that no matter which path we choose, the journey on that path is going to be one that helps us to grow and therefore a great adventure. There is no “wrong” choice, only “a” choice.
My problem as an alcoholic and addict is that I don’t know how to make decisions without self-doubt creeping in. But if I take a Power into my decisions, I am not alone in the “critical choices” and I can’t go wrong. Again, I ask the question: “What would you have me do?” and the answer comes through God’s language, inspiration and intuition.
I was recently at a juncture with my coffee drinking, knowing that it was not a good health choice to drink as much as I did. Last week I made a decision to quit drinking coffee and today I am starting down that path with a Power at my side. I know through my own experience that I can’t do this alone. Are you at a juncture, a critical or decisive point in your life? Click on “comment” and let me know.
amazing how this stuff works…i have made a couple of incredible, hopefully life changing decisions in the last few days. they were brought to me by “angels” in my life because i needed these things to happen & couldn’t do it alone or even decide to help myself…these “angels” offered me help…actual solutions to my problems (no, not all of them…haha) & are pointing me toward a path where i can help myself, with them as guides of sorts…really amazing that these things can & will present themselves when we are ready for them…
Wow. I am so grateful Tim headed me to this site. Excellent words!! Like healing water to my parched soul.
Sitting in this for a few minutes makes me realize how many “junctures” my diseased, unsatisfied mind places before me. Often it feels like every breath is a critical or decisive point in time, other times I can feel the “conscious contact with God” guiding each breath.
I am so grateful for this program and how it works. Some days I am frustrated by the reality of the contingency of this lifestyle and that my life needs to be broken down into conscious decisions in order to live. But the when I make a decision to surrender honestly openly and willingly to the reality that this disease grips me to the core and is not going to go away AND that I do not have to drink or use or live alone inside my head, I feel like I can live in AWE of the true gift of each moment.
AWE for me is
Anticipation
With out
Expectation
I anticipate that God can make any decision that I feel incapable of making. When I trust this my life is different, when I don’t my minds spins in a misery only known to us.
My only expectation is that God can keep me sober. I have proven I can’t.
Howie I am so glad you are taking the actions to improve the quality of your life and that you are open-minded enough to receive the “angels” when they appear. Great to see you last night!
Welcome Korey! Glad you like the blog and thanks for your insight into your mind and your recovery. This is the type of response I am hoping for, an online community where we can all share our perspective with each other. I look forward to hearing more insight from you.
No… no thank you for organizing it. I am so grateful and excited to keep involved as much as possible while I work. It means the world to me to be in contact with someone in recovery and who does what I do for a living. This is a first for me.
Do you remember me? I ran the basecamp on Rat Pack before I left do my first DGA gig?? I felt terrible for leaving, spent a long time shaming myself over that one. Even though I informed Angela of the possibility in advance it still got under my skin.
Your name sounded familiar when TIm brought you up, but I couldn’t place it. Now I do remember you from “Rat Pack” but not that you left to do a DGA gig. Shows that we beat ourselves up more over stuff than anyone else ever could. I’m glad to hear that you are doing good in your career. Tim has lots of good stuff to say about you. Hope to see you soon!